Pregnancy Envy: Navigating a Baby Boom

 Who can relate? It feels like everywhere you turn, someone is announcing a pregnancy, hosting a gender reveal, or sharing adorable baby photos on social media. Meanwhile, you're navigating the tricky terrain of pregnancy envy after experiencing a miscarriage or pregnancy loss. It's like being stuck at the kids' table at a family gathering while everyone else is at the adults' table having a grand old time. But hey, you're not alone, and we're here to talk about it.

Life just got different. It did.

You likely thought that when it was time to have a baby, you’d have one. Most of us spent many years trying not to get pregnant and now all we want is to be pregnant. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and our daily surroundings only exasperate the feelings.

Pregnancy Envy Triggers

Pregnancy envy is normal - it is. But it is not just triggered by seeing someone else pregnant. 

So, let’s put it out there. You are not the first or last to experience pregnancy envy. Let’s talk about it. You are not alone. Here is our list of daily experiences that can trigger pregnancy envy. What are we missing? 

1. Pregnancy Announcements: Hearing about friends or family members announcing their pregnancies can be a serious trigger.
2. Baby Bumps: Seeing pregnant women with their baby bumps can serve as a constant reminder.
3. Ultrasound Images: Images of ultrasounds or baby sonograms, whether in the media or from acquaintances, can evoke memories.
4. Baby Showers: Invitations to baby showers or attending one can be emotionally challenging, especially if it's for someone close to you.
5. Nursery Decor & Baby Clothes: Walking by baby stores or seeing nursery decorations can bring up emotions.
6. Questions About Family Planning: When well-meaning people ask about your family planning or when you plan to have children, it can be uncomfortable and triggering.
7. Due Date Reminders: The date your baby was supposed to be born can be an intensely emotional day, reminding you of the loss.
8. Social Media Posts: Scrolling through social media and encountering pregnancy or baby-related posts and photos can be overwhelming.
9. Baby Names: Hearing or encountering names you had considered for your baby can be a reminder of your loss.
10. Seeing Happy Families: Witnessing happy families with children, whether in real life or in media, can accentuate feelings of sadness.
11. Anniversary of Miscarriage: The anniversary of your miscarriage can be an emotionally challenging day.
12. Maternity Leave Announcements: News of colleagues or friends going on maternity leave may evoke feelings of sadness and longing for your own family.
13. Unexpected Triggers: Sometimes, even seemingly unrelated events or objects can trigger emotions related to your miscarriage unexpectedly.
14. Seeing Other Moms: Interactions with other mothers and hearing them talk about their children can be a reminder of your loss.
15. Feeling Isolated: Feeling isolated or left out from conversations about pregnancy, parenting, or family life can trigger feelings of loneliness and sadness.
16. Coping with Well-Wishers: Well-intentioned but insensitive comments from friends or family, like "It's for the best" or "You can try again," can be triggering.

Pregnancy envy is normal - and unfortunately, we are surrounded by many triggers on a regular basis that can become overwhelming.

Coping with Pregnancy Envy

Now, let’s talk about how to cope with pregnancy envy.

1. Understand the Stages of Grief: Recognize that pregnancy envy is a part of the grieving process and allow yourself to experience the various emotions that come with it, from sadness to anger to acceptance.
2. Communicate to Those Around You: Open up to friends and family about your feelings to help them better understand what you're going through and provide you with the support you need.
3. Find Resources to Help You Navigate: Matriiva’s miscarriage support course has been designed to help you navigate all aspects of the emotional and physical recovery following a loss.
4. Know That It Is Okay to Say No: Don't feel obligated to attend baby-related events or gatherings that may trigger your envy. It's okay to prioritize your emotional well-being.
5. Be Mindful of Social Media: Take breaks from social media or curate your feed to limit exposure to pregnancy and baby-related content that might intensify your envy.
6. Start a Journal: Journaling can be a therapeutic way to express your thoughts and feelings about pregnancy envy, providing you with an outlet to process your emotions and gain clarity on your journey to healing.